Dear Pez Manufactures,
I have been a loyal user of your product for many years. You candy is both delicious and fun. I spent many hours as a youth grinding your candy into a more sortable form. Hours of fun for the whole neighborhood!
However, it has come to my attention that my Pez dispensers' base is structurally unsound. Both my Star Wars dispensers (despite use of the Force) and my giant Charlie Brown Pez Package dispenser fall over on a regular basis. I would expect this of a Wookie dispenser, but Darth is constantly falling over.
That's just implausible.
Please make the feet of Pez dispensers in proportion to their delicious candy bodies and comically oversize tilt back head.
Love,
Nate
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
A letter to My Public School Science Teachers
Dear Public School Science Teachers,
You told me that lift on an airplane wing was caused by air going faster over the top of an airfoil than it does on the bottom because of it's shape.
Please stop lying.
Please read this: NASA explains lift
Which reminds me: I remember an elementary school teacher telling me that a cloud, "sucked up water from the ocean and poured it out on land."
Not cool. Neither clouds nor my vacuum suck.
Love,
Nate
You told me that lift on an airplane wing was caused by air going faster over the top of an airfoil than it does on the bottom because of it's shape.
Please stop lying.
Please read this: NASA explains lift
Which reminds me: I remember an elementary school teacher telling me that a cloud, "sucked up water from the ocean and poured it out on land."
Not cool. Neither clouds nor my vacuum suck.
Love,
Nate
FedEx
I buy a lot of crap online. Between the roommates and I, the post man has actually taken the time to stop and discuss how much stuff shows up at our door. However, tomorrow it's a different story. This one's different.
It's a new cell phone. And it's fancy. It's glorious. It has an AMOLED display.
And it came with "free" overnight shipping. (Free gets quotes because the phone was ridiculously expensive.)
Since it shipped this morning, I can't help but keep pinging the FedEx website every 20 minutes to see if there is tracking progress. Sometimes more than that. I think I've looked at it 4 times while writing this post. I'm like freaking Melvin Udall (before a gay Greg Kinnear tried to take Helen Hunt away from him . . . )
Anyway not the point.
I was doing well in my happily neurotic state until my package stopped in Memphis. I've got no issue with Memphis in general. However, today, Tennessee is apparently under enough water that dolphins have started mating near the recording studios in Nashville. (This according to my analysis of what I thought I overheard someone say that they read on the ticker tape on CNN while eating lunch at the mall Chic-fil-a.)
I still can't stop hitting F5 over and over.
Well, I'm off to lock the door and go to bed. Then get out of bed, unlock the door and re-lock it then get back in bed. Then get out of bed, unlock the door . . . .
It's a new cell phone. And it's fancy. It's glorious. It has an AMOLED display.
And it came with "free" overnight shipping. (Free gets quotes because the phone was ridiculously expensive.)
Since it shipped this morning, I can't help but keep pinging the FedEx website every 20 minutes to see if there is tracking progress. Sometimes more than that. I think I've looked at it 4 times while writing this post. I'm like freaking Melvin Udall (before a gay Greg Kinnear tried to take Helen Hunt away from him . . . )
Anyway not the point.
I was doing well in my happily neurotic state until my package stopped in Memphis. I've got no issue with Memphis in general. However, today, Tennessee is apparently under enough water that dolphins have started mating near the recording studios in Nashville. (This according to my analysis of what I thought I overheard someone say that they read on the ticker tape on CNN while eating lunch at the mall Chic-fil-a.)
I still can't stop hitting F5 over and over.
Well, I'm off to lock the door and go to bed. Then get out of bed, unlock the door and re-lock it then get back in bed. Then get out of bed, unlock the door . . . .
Thursday, May 6, 2010
A letter to my Vacuum
Dear Vacuum,
You don't suck. And I mean that in the worst way possible.
Love,
Nate
You don't suck. And I mean that in the worst way possible.
Love,
Nate
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A letter to the Windows 7 Team
Dear Windows 7 Team.
You've tricked me. Like an ugly girl with tight pants and a lot of makeup at 10 meters I was in love with you. Well, with your product anyway. Well, with the look of your product.
But that's it. You've scorned me for the last time. I was happily installing software when the installer couldn't write to it's own log file.
"Egad!" I exclaimed. "Why canst not the system write to the log of mine own x:\log directory? For I am an admin, yea even the greatest of all system users! Wherefore didst mine privileges run afoul of thee, oh Sir William?"
After much searching, I determined that I must not actually be the owner of the folders. I changed the owner of all the folder in the C drive to my domain user account. I further enabled permissions for additional groups and even tried sharing folders. Alas, the installer still can't write to the log directory.
And this isn't the first time you've performed such shenanigans with my permissions.
So that's it Windows 7. I'm not enamored with you anymore. Next time you want to protect a user from themselves, go find a Apple user.
Love,
Nate
You've tricked me. Like an ugly girl with tight pants and a lot of makeup at 10 meters I was in love with you. Well, with your product anyway. Well, with the look of your product.
But that's it. You've scorned me for the last time. I was happily installing software when the installer couldn't write to it's own log file.
"Egad!" I exclaimed. "Why canst not the system write to the log of mine own x:\log directory? For I am an admin, yea even the greatest of all system users! Wherefore didst mine privileges run afoul of thee, oh Sir William?"
After much searching, I determined that I must not actually be the owner of the folders. I changed the owner of all the folder in the C drive to my domain user account. I further enabled permissions for additional groups and even tried sharing folders. Alas, the installer still can't write to the log directory.
And this isn't the first time you've performed such shenanigans with my permissions.
So that's it Windows 7. I'm not enamored with you anymore. Next time you want to protect a user from themselves, go find a Apple user.
Love,
Nate
Monday, May 3, 2010
A letter to CitiBank
Dear CitiBank,
You keep asking me to "Go Paperless." Recently, you started trying to bribe me with a so very tempting offer to be "one of 5" to win some money by "going paperless."
As side from the fact that "going paperless" sounds scandalous and oh so fun, why would you want me to switch so badly? Oh Citibank, you must really care about the environment, that's it!
Or is it possible you don't realize that I realize what you realized about printing and mailing costs? Er, uh, I mean you'll save a bloody fortune if you don't send me paper statements.
Let's make a deal Citibank. Spit the savings with me. You probably save at least $0.40 on business class mailing and at least another $0.60 on printing costs. In essence, you're saving $12 per customer per year. Why should I give you another $12.00? Let's make a deal: You give me $6 bucks a year and I'll switch.
Deal?
Well, probably not because no one reads this blog.
You keep asking me to "Go Paperless." Recently, you started trying to bribe me with a so very tempting offer to be "one of 5" to win some money by "going paperless."
As side from the fact that "going paperless" sounds scandalous and oh so fun, why would you want me to switch so badly? Oh Citibank, you must really care about the environment, that's it!
Or is it possible you don't realize that I realize what you realized about printing and mailing costs? Er, uh, I mean you'll save a bloody fortune if you don't send me paper statements.
Let's make a deal Citibank. Spit the savings with me. You probably save at least $0.40 on business class mailing and at least another $0.60 on printing costs. In essence, you're saving $12 per customer per year. Why should I give you another $12.00? Let's make a deal: You give me $6 bucks a year and I'll switch.
Deal?
Well, probably not because no one reads this blog.
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